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About Traditional Art / Artist Member Mette AumalaFemale/Finland Groups :iconcall-of-cthulhu: Call-of-Cthulhu
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Aren: Oulurse head sketches by Osmatar
Aren: Oulurse head sketches
Way back when I first described the Oulurse, or the Aren version of an owlbear, people asked me what exactly it looks like. And while I had had this vague image in my head all along, I ended up asking the same question myself. You don't really know what something looks like until you've at least attempted to sketch it out and seen how everything fits together - or doesn't.

I never did a proper full body sketch of an oulurse, mainly because it's not that different from a robust therizinosaur, honestly. It's the head that is really unique. 
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First off, I need to comment on the previous journal entry. Right now my life pretty much hinges on my ability to completely obliviate my current situation by aggressively flooding my brain with all manners of escapism. Occasionally that fails, and I'm reminded of exactly where I am right now. That happened last week. It was rough. I've kind of recuperated now, but I have to be open and honest about it: it's probably going to happen again, perhaps even soon, possibly a lot of times between now and when things hopefully eventually work out and get fixed. (And no, I do not want to talk about it, because if I remember what it is I would talk about, bad things will happen again. I just need to not remember anything about my life right now.)

Anyway, onto the meat and mashed potatoes of this journal entry. Here's something I want to share with you, because it was weird.

Legal opiates can mess with your head

While I was recovering from the surgery, I had to take both NSAIDs and opiate painkillers regularly and in the case of the latter, in unusually high doses. Having pain isn't good for your recovery, and all that. Well, I got the idea one day that I wanted to see Ponyo, or Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea as I think the full English title is. I haven't seen a Miyazaki movie I haven't liked, and I hadn't seen Ponyo yet, so I thought it would be a safe bet. If you haven't seen the movie yet, be warned, because there will be some spoilers.

Anyway, I was about halfway through the movie, past the storm sequence which was either genuinely scary or made scary by the heavy doses of codein and whatever else was in the other capsules. That was basically when things in the movie get really clearly fantastic. And somehow I suddenly became convinced that I was actually looking at a far more grim and dark tale than it seemed on the surface. A story about coming to terms with death.

While the film was clearly a light-hearted fantasy adventure for children on the surface, I thought the underlying story was actually that the young protagonist had imagined the fantastic elements of the first half of the movie, and the second half was some kind of dying dream while he was drowning, because the mother's car had actually been washed out to the sea by the storm. I was genuinely dreading that as he was eventually reunited with her mother and the mysteriously de-crippled old ladies from the old folks' home, there would be something that would solidify this interpretation, revealing that he and his whole family had drowned, and they now rejoined under the sea in the afterlife.

Suffice to say that did not happen. Yeah, it's a Miyazaki film for little children, what the heck was I expecting? It took me a while to realize that maybe taking large doses of potentially psychoactive substances had affected my general perception. It was the first time I've become aware of this happening to me, and I genuinely hope it'll remain the last one, too.

Anyway, that's in the past now. I no longer have to take opiates, or any other painkillers for that matter. But I never would have thought that something meant for a painkiller would do that to the mind. I guess now I know better. One more drug for me to stay the hell away from.
  • Mood: Uneasy
I'm still alive. Don't really want to be, but I am. Make of that what you will.
  • Mood: Miserable
I haven't posted anything in what feels like ages, mainly because life's been fluctuating between bad and godawful with little to no signs of improvement. I'd like to say that that's changed but, no, it really hasn't. The reason I'm posting an update is because I'm having surgery in a couple of days, and I felt like it wouldn't be okay to not let anyone know. It's a minor thing, really, just tonsillectomy, but everything that involves general anaesthesia freaks me out a bit. 

[EDIT] Writing the above paragraph I forgot that no-one outside my immediate family knows what I've been dealing with recently, so an explanation is in order. I have had to take a large number of mineral supplements and medications as well as eat well balanced meals and "snacks" at specific intervals to control my adrenalin/noradrenalin levels, and do a series of stretches and exercises every day to prevent my neck and pelvic muscles from spasming badly causing severe pain and other highly unpleasant symptoms. The tonsillectomy is going to put a stop to all of this for at least a week, possibly several, and I do not know how bad things will get. That's the actual reason why I'm worried, not so much the operation itself. 
[/EDIT]

If nothing too horrible happens after (or during) the operation, I may upload a couple of sketches later this month. Not paleo-themed stuff unfortunately, but it's a bit of mythical animals meet speculative zoology stuff and so on. You'll see when that happens, assuming it happens.
  • Mood: Uneasy
During the last week or so my life has taken a sudden turn from bad to worse. I still haven't found a dose of thyroid hormone that won't make me feel worse within a week from starting even though at first it improves my condition. My neck and shoulders are now so painful and tense it's nearly impossible for me to lay down without developing extreme headaches, which not only makes sleeping difficult but makes it impossible for me to rest and relax my abdominal muscles that too are tense and very painful. The tension in the abdominals in turn messes up with my pelvis and pelvic floor meaning more tension and pain, with no way to relieve it, no way to treat it. As if this wasn't horrible enough, my messed up thyroid state for some reason translates to high levels of adrenaline in my blood with all the symptoms you could imagine from shaking cold hands to much worse things. Because of the turn-of-the-year holidays fysiotherapists and such are largely unavailable. Things are getting worse day by day, and I don't see how things could even stop deteriorating in the next ten days. To put it simply I'm in hell created by my own body, and I don't know if there's any way out at all!

If there's anything at all that's positive to say, I'll let you know in here. But if you don't see any updates from me you can assume things are horribly wrong with me and not getting better. And I'm sad to say but that may be the state of things to be for long, long time. :(
  • Mood: Agony
First off, I need to comment on the previous journal entry. Right now my life pretty much hinges on my ability to completely obliviate my current situation by aggressively flooding my brain with all manners of escapism. Occasionally that fails, and I'm reminded of exactly where I am right now. That happened last week. It was rough. I've kind of recuperated now, but I have to be open and honest about it: it's probably going to happen again, perhaps even soon, possibly a lot of times between now and when things hopefully eventually work out and get fixed. (And no, I do not want to talk about it, because if I remember what it is I would talk about, bad things will happen again. I just need to not remember anything about my life right now.)

Anyway, onto the meat and mashed potatoes of this journal entry. Here's something I want to share with you, because it was weird.

Legal opiates can mess with your head

While I was recovering from the surgery, I had to take both NSAIDs and opiate painkillers regularly and in the case of the latter, in unusually high doses. Having pain isn't good for your recovery, and all that. Well, I got the idea one day that I wanted to see Ponyo, or Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea as I think the full English title is. I haven't seen a Miyazaki movie I haven't liked, and I hadn't seen Ponyo yet, so I thought it would be a safe bet. If you haven't seen the movie yet, be warned, because there will be some spoilers.

Anyway, I was about halfway through the movie, past the storm sequence which was either genuinely scary or made scary by the heavy doses of codein and whatever else was in the other capsules. That was basically when things in the movie get really clearly fantastic. And somehow I suddenly became convinced that I was actually looking at a far more grim and dark tale than it seemed on the surface. A story about coming to terms with death.

While the film was clearly a light-hearted fantasy adventure for children on the surface, I thought the underlying story was actually that the young protagonist had imagined the fantastic elements of the first half of the movie, and the second half was some kind of dying dream while he was drowning, because the mother's car had actually been washed out to the sea by the storm. I was genuinely dreading that as he was eventually reunited with her mother and the mysteriously de-crippled old ladies from the old folks' home, there would be something that would solidify this interpretation, revealing that he and his whole family had drowned, and they now rejoined under the sea in the afterlife.

Suffice to say that did not happen. Yeah, it's a Miyazaki film for little children, what the heck was I expecting? It took me a while to realize that maybe taking large doses of potentially psychoactive substances had affected my general perception. It was the first time I've become aware of this happening to me, and I genuinely hope it'll remain the last one, too.

Anyway, that's in the past now. I no longer have to take opiates, or any other painkillers for that matter. But I never would have thought that something meant for a painkiller would do that to the mind. I guess now I know better. One more drug for me to stay the hell away from.
  • Mood: Uneasy

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:iconrodrigo-vega:
Rodrigo-Vega Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Professional General Artist
Just checking out your gallery, you've got a good range of theme and style going ;)
Keep it up!
Reply
:iconplatypus12:
platypus12 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014
How ya holdin' up?
Reply
:icontomorrowmayrain065:
TomorrowMayRain065 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2014  Student General Artist
Is there an official website for the Speculative Dinosaur project that you could direct me to? Also, I really like your art!
Reply
:iconosmatar:
Osmatar Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2014   Traditional Artist
Not as far as I can tell. There was some talk about a new website some time ago, but I've not heard of it since. I haven't been an active member for a long time, I'm afraid.
Reply
:icontomorrowmayrain065:
TomorrowMayRain065 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2014  Student General Artist
That's a shame :( Thanks anyway, though.
Reply
:iconplatypus12:
platypus12 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014
Do you ever think that my theories on pre-human civilization are but a joke?
Reply
:iconosmatar:
Osmatar Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014   Traditional Artist
No, I never got the feeling that you were having a laugh at my expense. Why?
Reply
:iconplatypus12:
platypus12 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014
Because (and I don't mean to throw accusations around) I feel like at first my ideas on the subject weren't being taken too seriously. I can't stress any further that I'm not accusing you of anything, though; I'm sure it was just constructive criticism.
Reply
:iconosmatar:
Osmatar Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2014   Traditional Artist
If I hadn't taken your ideas seriously, I would never have put so much time into criticizing them. I treat my own story ideas exactly the same, it's just not something outsiders get to see.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconworldbuildersinc:
WorldBuildersInc Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I have to agree with Franz-Josef73; where have you been?! ;D I love your stuff!
(My poor Deinonychus, take a look and see how much pain he's in...!)
Reply
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