First off, I need to comment on the previous journal entry. Right now my life pretty much hinges on my ability to completely obliviate my current situation by aggressively flooding my brain with all manners of escapism. Occasionally that fails, and I'm reminded of exactly where I am right now. That happened last week. It was rough. I've kind of recuperated now, but I have to be open and honest about it: it's probably going to happen again, perhaps even soon, possibly a lot of times between now and when things hopefully eventually work out and get fixed. (And no, I do not want to talk about it, because if I remember what it is I would talk about, bad things will happen again. I just need to not remember anything about my life right now.)
Anyway, onto the meat and mashed potatoes of this journal entry. Here's something I want to share with you, because it was weird.
Legal opiates can mess with your head
While I was recovering from the surgery, I had to take both NSAIDs and opiate painkillers regularly and in the case of the latter, in unusually high doses. Having pain isn't good for your recovery, and all that. Well, I got the idea one day that I wanted to see Ponyo, or Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea as I think the full English title is. I haven't seen a Miyazaki movie I haven't liked, and I hadn't seen Ponyo yet, so I thought it would be a safe bet. If you haven't seen the movie yet, be warned, because there will be some spoilers.
Anyway, I was about halfway through the movie, past the storm sequence which was either genuinely scary or made scary by the heavy doses of codein and whatever else was in the other capsules. That was basically when things in the movie get really clearly fantastic. And somehow I suddenly became convinced that I was actually looking at a far more grim and dark tale than it seemed on the surface. A story about coming to terms with death.
While the film was clearly a light-hearted fantasy adventure for children on the surface, I thought the underlying story was actually that the young protagonist had imagined the fantastic elements of the first half of the movie, and the second half was some kind of dying dream while he was drowning, because the mother's car had actually been washed out to the sea by the storm. I was genuinely dreading that as he was eventually reunited with her mother and the mysteriously de-crippled old ladies from the old folks' home, there would be something that would solidify this interpretation, revealing that he and his whole family had drowned, and they now rejoined under the sea in the afterlife.
Suffice to say that did not happen. Yeah, it's a Miyazaki film for little children, what the heck was I expecting? It took me a while to realize that maybe taking large doses of potentially psychoactive substances had affected my general perception. It was the first time I've become aware of this happening to me, and I genuinely hope it'll remain the last one, too.
Anyway, that's in the past now. I no longer have to take opiates, or any other painkillers for that matter. But I never would have thought that something meant for a painkiller would do that to the mind. I guess now I know better. One more drug for me to stay the hell away from.